This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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