her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
