just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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