grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
