i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
