right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's blow job season.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
