Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
