Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i think my cat just said my name.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize