Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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