Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
