Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
