The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
