So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
