loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize