I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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