don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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