last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
