i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
