everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
