You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize