There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you would pick up someone in the library
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
