IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize