Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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