I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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