honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
