this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
