Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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