U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
