I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I looked at my own cervix.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
