I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
