I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
