Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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