And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
