You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
