Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
