Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
