butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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