I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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