Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
