From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
