ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
