she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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