dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
