I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize