I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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