I think I died a long time ago.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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