Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I want to fling myself into the sun
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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