she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
