I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
smell my finger.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You're a disaster
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