I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
