dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
