I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i think i have two assholes
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
