I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
