Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
