Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
