Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
