Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
