At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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