I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
