it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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