I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
