One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
