I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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