So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
